F L A S H B A C K

F A L A K

"Hey Dadda..." I say as soon as Grandpa hands me his phone. "Hello Bugu. I see you're enjoying yourself, bacha." My father speaks on the other side of the phone.

"Can you see me?" I look around, trying to find the cameras.

"I can. Look at the corner to your right side, under which Ahaana is tugging Sahil and Advik's hairs." I quickly look to where we all were sitting right before my father called. Sure enough, Yug and Suhana were laughing while Ahaana furiously yanked on Sahil & Advik's hairs.

My father chuckling on the phone brings my attention back to him and I look up at the camera, waving at him. "She's naughty." My father laughs.

"Naughty would be an understatement." I reply back looking over at the three fighting for god knows what. As much as Sahil looks after her, makes sure she's okay at all times, he fights her with equal fervor. He rarely speaks and around her, he not only speaks but yells. He turns red in anger when fighting with her. I don't think I have ever seen so many emotions cross his face, but when he's speaking to Ahaana, is with Ahaana; there's raw emotions on his face. There's happiness as well.

Is Sahil... does he like... like her?

My eyes widen at the thought and I quickly look away from the trio. Horrified at what I came up. I shake my head to shake the mere thought out of my head. "Bugu? What happened, bacha?" I focus on my father.

"Nothing. Nothing. I-I just... can I call you back before I go to sleep, Papa? I'm missing out on the game." I bite on my lower lip before giving my father a full teeth smile from the camera. The sound of my parents laughing filters through the phone.

"Yes, yes. Go have fun. And it's okay, we'll talk when you come back. I miss you and I know you aren't missing us but it's okay, you seem happy for once in so long." My mother coos from the other side.

"I am, Mumma. I'm enjoying so much. Thankyou for letting me come here. I love you both!" I blow a kiss over the phone to my parents.

"We love you too, Bugu. Bye." I bid them bye and return the phone to Grandpa before running back to the action spot—aka Sahil-Ahaana's fight.

I unwrap her fingers from Advik's hair first, once his hairs are out of her fist; he quickly gets up before she can attack him again. "Shea! You're hurting me." Sahil shouts out loud. Advik moves to help him but I stop him with my fingers around his wrist. He looks at me in confusion, I don't say anything but just keep looking at the duo.

At Sahil's outburst, Shea keeps holding his hairs but stops tugging. "I wasn't cheating." Ahaana softly murmurs to him.

"You were. The dice rolled to three but you changed it to five just to kill my token." Sahil replies calmly. Ahaana's face twists back to anger but this time she doesn't aim to hit or fist his hair. She shoves on his chest and stomps away from the three of us, yelling, "Jaaaniiiiii..."

"Daduuuuu..." Sahil follows behind her.

Grandpa holds his hand up just as both of them reach him, ready to complain. "If you're here to complain, I'm busy. Go sort it out alone." Dadu says pointing to one of the bedrooms.

"I'll damned if I had to sort it out with this racoon!" Ahaana says making a ugly face at Sahil and sashaying away. A chuckle escapes me at her dramatic exit. God, I love her drama!

"No cursing Mehr!" Grandpa scolds her but she's already busy with her next task, i.e. poking Suhana because she's bored.

"Now you remember I exist?" Suhana says, looking at Ahaana with one of her eyebrow raised. I look at her wide eyed, how did she do it? I keep palm on my right eye and try to raise the left eyebrow. Advik laughs beside me. Oh yeah, I forgot his existence beside me.

"Practice. You need to practice this twelve times a day for three months to be able to do this." He gives me that charming grin that he does whenever we are alone before doing the same thing with his eyebrows. Show off! I move to walk past him but he holds my wrist, stepping close. His breath hits the side of my face.

"Movie night, Bugu. Movie night." He whispers low enough for the both of us before leaving me alone, confused. Movie night? What?

•

My confusion is cleared few minutes later. "Decide one!" Grandpa orders, Suhana nestled in his arms.

"I don't want to do anything. I just wanna go sleep." Sahil grumbles throwing a nasty look at Ahaana.

"No one asked you!" Ahaana roars back.

"I wasn't speaking to you." Sahil mumbles keeping his eyes closed.

"Movie night, Dadu Jaani. Please." Ahaana ignores him and pleads to Grandpa. "Okay, movie night, anyone else?" Grandpa looks at the six of us.

"Movie night." Yug raises his hand.

"Movie night." Advik says, his eyes moving to me from Dadu.

"Movie night." I bite back on the weird smile forcing through my lips, trying to keep my eyes on Grandpa even when the side of my face with his eyes on me. I control the urge to look at him and never look away. Goodness, what is happening?

Ahaana walks on her knees towards Grandpa and takes Suhana's wrist in her hand. Raising their hands up, "Movie night!" Ahaana shouts. All the eyes then turn to Sahil who continues looking at Ahaana with furious eyes.

"Sleep." He says in a flat tone, getting out of the couch and walking upstairs.

"Yeah whatever." Ahaana mumbles lowly, her eyes watching him walk up to his bedroom. He slams the door shut behind him a little too hard.

"Which movie are you guys planning to watch?" At Dadu's question I look back at him.

"Avengers." Ahaana replies before anyone else.

"But you don't like Avengers." Advik and Suhana say in unison.

"But he does." Ahaana nods her head gesturing at the closed bedroom door. "I'll go get him." With that she runs up to his room. "Mehr. Watch you steps." Grandpa bellows behind her and she slows down her pace immediately, listening to Grandpa in one go which is so unlike her.

"Thankgod! I wasn't in mood for some princess shit." Advik says walking towards the theatre room, Yug close behind him.

"Adv! Language." Grandpa scolds.

"Sorry Dadu." Advik comes back running and holds his ear looking at their Grandpa.

"Last warning!" Dadu warns Advik and when he nods, Dadu waves him off. His attention shifts to Suhana, "Go take Falak to the theatre room. I'll ask Ram to put out some snacks for you all. And then I'm off to bed, I don't want any fights and stuff, okay?" Grandpa commands, putting her down on the floor. She gives him a good night kiss before walking towards me.

I turn around to follow after her but stop when Grandpa calls me, "Falak. Come here, bache." His voice almost angelic, laced with warmth and sweetness. Just like how my father speaks to me.

"Won't you kiss me goodnight?" Grandpa opens his left hand, I walk to him with nervous steps. He smiles forwarding his face more to my side. I gulp the lump in my throat, not knowing if I should do it. My grandfather always believes in touching feets of the elders. That's how I greet him each morning. But when Yug didn't touch Grandpa's feet, I didn't either. I have only ever kissed my parents before.

I lean close and brush my lips against his cheeks before quickly pulling back. Grandpa chuckles, his hand wrapped around my shoulder. "That's how you greet me from now on, okay? Just like how all four of my kids do." Grandpa says tapping my nose with his index finger. I smile at him before pulling away, "Goodnight..." I trail off not knowing if I should just call him Dadaji, like I call my grandfather or something else.

"Dadu. I'm everyone's Dadu Jaani here. But you can call me anything you want."

"Can I call you grandpa?" I ask him.

"Grandpa... hmm... I would love that." He laughs patting my head and nodding where Suhana stands waiting for me. With one last glance at him, I follow Suhana to the theatre room.

True to her words, Ahaana really comes with Sahil. And they come smiling. Totally not what I was expecting. Grandpa comes with the house helpers who start to lay out floor mattresses for us. Once our sleeping arrangements are made, Grandpa leaves after making sure we have everything we could need for the night.

All three of the mattresses are adjoined but Sahil & Ahaana lay side by side on one. Apparently Suhana & Ahaana are fighting so Suhana ignores it when Ahaana yells at her to come lay beside her. Suhana sleeps on the left side of Advik. Suhana & Yug lay beside each other leaving the spot between Advik & Ahaana for me. I crawl between the siblings and Advik picks up the covers so we can share it.

Even though it's Sahil's favourite movie, he doesn't even blink at the screen. His entire focus is on the hushed conversation with Ahaana. The way he is speaking to her in gentle and loving tone, it leaves me wondering which side of him is real. The way he is with her or the way he is with others. I have never ever seen him speak to Advik & Suhana how he does with Ahaana. So, I guess this Sahil, the gentle one, the calm one... it only exists for one person—Ahaana Mehrotra.

"You don't like the movie?" Advik's voice brings me out of my thoughts. "Huh?" I turn around surprised and our heads bang. "Aah!" I rub fingers on my head. The slight buzz of pain soothing down with the touch of my fingers. He laughs lowly, his fingers replacing mine.

"It hurts Bugu?" Advik breathes, bridging the little gap between us. I quickly look around to check if my grandfather is looking but realise he's not here. I'm not around him. I don't have to keep looking over my shoulder. I try to repeat my mother's words in my head, 'speaking to the other gender is not a sin. Being friends with boys is not wrong.'

"What's wrong? What are you looking for?" Advik's questions. His forehead creasing in confusion as he looks around to check what I was looking for.

"Nothing." I move my head side to side. "I'm just scared of darkness." I try to keep my voice down. I truly am scared of the darkness. It's not completely dark but since we are on the floor, I can't stop thinking about some creature getting to me.

"Shh. I'm here. You can... you can hold my hand if you want." He raises his hand between us, the covers moving with his hand that is in the air.

"Can I... hug you instead? My parents does that whenever I'm scared and it instantly—" My words are cut short when his raised hand wraps around my torso. With one hand under my head, I fist the fabric of his vest with other, snuggling into him.

"Thankyou." I murmur after prolonged silence. The drowsiness kicking in by ten folds as my heart settles down, away from any fears. I'm almost in my dreamland when I feel the feather like touch on my forehead. It makes my heart race a bit but in the cocoon of arms wrapped around me, I let myself go into the dreams where a certain someone makes sure I'm safe & content. Always.

A D V I K

I wake up to Suhana curled up in my arms rather than the person I went to sleep with. Gently, I pick up her head with my free hand and remove the one under her head. Quickly replacing my arm with a pillow, I sit up. It's just the two of us. Other four nowhere to be found. Reaching for the covers, I carefully put it over her body before getting out of the bed.

From the theatre room I walk down the arcade and take the stairs up to my room. The house engulfed in silence. Deciding to look for everyone once I'm done with my morning routine, I walk straight to the washroom. Once I'm finished, I walk to the cupboard, taking out clothes for the day. When I step out of the washroom ready to start the day, I hear some voices from the garden.

I move towards the balcony and lean down the rails. My lips stretch into a smile when I see Falak, Ahaana, Yug playing football and Sahil murmuring something to Dadu. Kanjar must be pacifying Dadu for the cricket kit our parents clearly denied for. Nice. Go best friend!

My gaze moves back to the girls. Ahaana has beautifully accepted Falak into the group since that day but I think it somehow has strained Suhana & Ahaana. I should talk to Sahil or Dadu about it today. I do not want the girls hurting because... of her. I know it's not Falak's fault but if her presence is affecting the relationship between the four of us, we'll do what we have been doing since the girls were born. Choose them, choose each other.

Whirling around, I sprint downstairs back to the theatre room, Suhana is still asleep. I contemplate waking her up and making her talk about what's going on in her but then realise there's no way I can get through her forcefully. Suhana doesn't feel. She just does not know how to feel. She does internally obviously but she keeps it locked inside her. She doesn't want to show her emotions. She thinks she's better off without them. It's not as if this decision is coming from some sort of trauma or bad past, it's not. Suhana never really cared for anything since the beginning. Other than our family. Other than Ahaana. Suhana is dependent on Ahaana more than Ahaana is dependent on her. Ahaana cannot gather the courage and is scared of strangers. But Suhana, she just decided against needing anyone other than the people she's already got.

Ahaana accepted Falak because Falak made her feel safe, secure. But Suhana, she sees Falak as the third person between her and Ahaana and she does not like it. But will she ever say that out loud? Probably not, because of course she has to pretend that she doesn't care even if it's breaking her apart from inside.

I sigh tiredly, confused on what to do. Deciding against waking Suhana up and pushing her to talk, I turn back on my steps and head to the backyard. I walk to Dadu and walk straight into his lap.

"You're thirteen not three. Some shame please?" Sahdev scoffs at me from the chair he's settled on beside Dadu. I ignore him and let my grandfather's soothing hug, soothe me.

"What's wrong Advu?" Dadu murmurs in my ear, low enough for only the two of us.

"I think we were better off just being the four of us." I let my worry slip.

"Oh my sweet boy..." Dadu laughs softly.

"Give Suhana time, you know she takes time to come around but she will come around. Falak and Yug are going to be a part of your forever. Let Suhana accept that." Dadu continues. He tilts my head up with his thumb and kisses my forehead.

"How do you know that? That they are going to be a part of our forever?" I ask turning my gaze to the side where Ahaana played with Yug and Falak.

"If they weren't going to be a part of your forever, do you think they will ever spend a single moment around Suhana-Ahaana, let alone come to your hideout?" Dadu gives me a question in response of my question. I let myself mull over whatever he said.

Would I ever let them get in touch with the girls if I weren't sure? Probably not. The real question is, what I'm sure of? And how can I be sure of the two person I just met days ago?

"Let it flow in its own way! When I say forever, I mean it." Dadu grins at me, his eyes twinkling in euphoria. I smile because just looking at him so cheery, flourishes us on the inside. Watching him happy, is like walking on air.

"Go play before your sister kills my grandson with her glares." Dadu turns my head around with hand on the crown of my head to the side where Sahil & Ahaana are fighting. Again?

"Shea! I said no." I stand up from Dadu's lap when Sahdev screams at my sister.

"I want to eat noodles for breakfast and no one, no idiot one can stop me." Ahaana points her index finger at Sahdev.

"If you have noodles, I will ring your father up." Sahil warns her.

"By all means, go ahead you squirrel." Ahaana yells, rushing past him. Before she can walk past me, I hold her hand.

"He said no noodles." I try to make sure my words get through her thick head.

"Before I set you and your best friend on fire, leave my hand." My little furious sister screams. Her voice already turning gruff from how much she has been yelling.

"Chinu, you cannot have—"

"Yes. Add that to the list of all the million things I cannot have and do. Yes, I'm sick and I know that. No need to remind me that every few seconds." This time the yelling has died down, her voice going soft. Tears welling up in her eyes.

I try to find the right words that would make her listen and stop crying but come up with nothing. Ahaana walk inside the house, Yug runs behind her. I look towards Dadu to see him looking at both Sahil and I in disappointment.

"You both have to stop trying to control her every move." Falak comments when Dadu follows Ahaana and Yug inside.

"You don't know how it feels to see her cry in pain every time she has to visit the hospital." Sahdev glares at her, his jaw clenched.

"Yeah, I have been around you all for more than a month and I know exactly how it feels to see her in pain. But don't you think the way you treat her... it's wrong? You want to make sure she's not doing anything, having anything that would lead her to the hospital but the way you do it... do you think that is right?" Falak eyes moves from him to me.

"You fight with her, you yell at her and you think that will help, how? She screams back, she sometimes even cries and since she's already so drained from inside that is what makes her lose consciousness. That is where you are making the worst mistake! You fight with her, you scream at her and you try to emotionally blackmail her into listening to you." Falak's voices raises a notch up as she looks between Sahdev and I. Her face turning red with anger.

She continues after a huff of breath, "You say you're doing all this 'protect' her but think over it, how are you going to protect her from yourself? You people are the reason she's sad most of the time, which not only exhausts her physically but also emotionally. You are not doing her any good!"

Falak leaves us alone, taking long strides in the house. When there's silence around us, we hear the sound of Ahaana crying from the house. Sahil and I share a look before sprinting in the house. We find her on couch with Dadu. Yug and Falak surrounding them.

"Te-tell them...go." Ahaana whispers breathless, when she spots us nearing her. Dadu twists his neck towards us. "Sahil. Advik. Go." Dadu's words stop us from taking the next step near then.

"Nisha. Take her to my room. Also, no one will call Shika & Rudra, I will speak to them myself. She's fine she just needs to lie down with her Jaani." Dadu turns to Ahaana, "Right Mehru?" She gives a slight nod to Dadu when drowsiness starts to kick in.

Nisha Aunty steps close & picks her up. Dadu stands up following Nisha Aunty to his room. Just as Nisha Aunty is about to close the door to Dadu's room after dropping Ahaana in, Suhana reaches them. "Dadu, Can... can I come too?" Suhana's voice is still raspy from just waking up.

"Come in, Zia." Dadu calls Suhana in. Nisha Aunty lets her in and quietly shuts the door once Suhana enters. "She's going to be fine. You know she needs to sleep after she cries. Don't worry okay?" Nisha Aunty kisses both Sahil and mine forehead, when we nod she heads back to the kitchen.

Sahil sighs tiredly before walking back to the garden. Yug, Falak and I follow him. We four sit on the pool side chairs. Falak and Sahil on one, Yug and I on one.

"You are not wrong Falak." Sahdev breaks the silence.

"But we don't have any other option, Falak. shea has been told no for everything since she was a baby. And now she's in a phase where she wants to fight that each no. Yes, we do end up fighting and emotionally blackmailing because watching her cry herself to sleep is far better than watching her on hospital with... needles stuck in her wrist." Sahil's eyes mirrors mine as he looks at Falak. Watching the glossiness in his eyes, Falak wraps hands around him and he lets her. He lets her hug himself, put her head on his chest.

"The way you guys do it... it's very wrong, Sahil." Falak whispers to him softly.

"I know." Sahil whispers back dejected. Falak looks at me from the chair and nods her head towards me, her palm outstretched towards me. I put my hand in hers and let her tug me on the same chair. She hugs me with her other hand, Sahil does too with his free hand.

"You don't hug anyone." I comment keeping my eyes closed, letting the warmth of her hug settle my racing heart.

"I do when you are sad for her just like me." My best friend replies back making a smile stretch on my face. He does hug me other than the reason he just gave. Because just like Suhana & Ahaana are incomplete without each other, Advik & Sahil are also incomplete without each other and their little devils.

"Hey, I feel let out yaar." Yug whines sadly from somewhere behind us, we all laugh a little breaking the hug. "Come on, idiot." Sahil chuckles waving at him to come over.

Then we hug. For the first time ever, bring each other close to our hearts and make space for the new ones for the rest of our lives.

That hug, that hug created a bond that will be with us forever. Just like Dadu Jaani said. Our forever as friends for life began from that one hug we shared near the pool. That hug sewed us all together, blended us together.